The Seer saw Hell!

The Seer saw Hell!
By Mas Damisa
There is an adage in my language which I believe has its equivalent in other languages and it says that ‘the person who is caught steeling is the thief’ The importance of this adage is that unless you are caught in the act or as revealed by investigation, you cannot be legitimately accused or said to be a thief. Therefore,, how did my sister became a thief when she was not caught in the act? Why was the evidence of the oracle so strong and influential as to make both old and young to believe its verdict? Why must my sister be subjected to visiting one seer after another whose findings are more or less mutually contradictory? I was determined to take up the challenge of redeeming my sister’s name and image, grounded on the conviction that she stole no money, and that the seer lied against her. So what did I do?
I persuaded against my sister to go with me to our grand aunt to ask her if she had found the money. My intention was to make her take us to the seer’s house so I may know his residence – and it worked like magic! A friend of my sister accompanied us and as we got to his place, our grand aunt told him we have come again to ascertain the real thief who stole the money. The seer brought out some pods of kolanuts, threw them down on the floor, and asked my sister and her friends to touch the pods - which they did. He packed them, threw them down again, and began to do some enchantment and incantation in an apparent act of divination. After repeating what now looked like a ritual, he announced the decision or finding of the oracle. While waiting for the verdict, my sister’s heart was beating as she was anticipating the outcome while her friend and I were wondering what would be verdict this time around. When the Seer announced his verdict, it was an anticlimax. The seer, in pompous show of magisterial authority, announced that the thief was my sister’s friend! O-g-o-g-o-r-i-o!! Here was a woman who had never met or visited my great aunt before now and who merely accompanied her friend to the old woman for the very first time! How could she have stolen from a house and an old woman she never knew before?
It was clear that the seer was either guestimating, or was entirely mischievous or was both. Our grand aunt was finally convinced that my sister was not a thief and did not steal her money. She was also convinced that the seer was a confused if not more than Confucious. The grand old woman, in apparent anger and disappointment, staggered out of the seer’s chambers with a gait that would have confounded Stagger Lee himself. In all these and throughout our visit to the seer, he never paid any attention to me and I did not say anything. I was busy understudying the divination process, the weird junks hanging around every corner of the room. I noticed some dead and dry rats and birds whose usefulness and value I could not fathom. I thought I would hear a strange voice pronouncing my sister guilty, but heard none. I had hoped to see a mirror showing how and when my sister stole the money, and saw none. All there were to see were seven dry pods of kolanut that were as mute as a mutt, and which were being thrown here and there by a muttonhead who called himself a seer. Just imagine the embarrassment the innocent lady was made to suffer. She wept until she could weep no more. In her consternation, she accused my sister of conspiring with the seer whose constative findings almost turned my sister’s friend into a crust of anguish. What can I do?
Back home, I resolved to deal with the seer by plucking out his eyes, since in any case, they were useless to him – was he not seeing by the pods? How to do this was a matter of strategy. I immediately set out to collect sharp stone pellets, which I loaded, into a small skin bag I had made. I proceeded to buy a catapult, the weapon I believed would first administer a cataract as a prelude to the final surgery of his eyes. Next, I found a disused bowl, which was to serve as my helmet against the enemy’s missiles. I tried it on my head but that was where my punishment first began – ever before I went on the attack. I forced it on my head and instantly, a bout of migraine descended on me, threatening to bust my skull, until it occurred to me to use some rags to cushion the effect, both of the heat as well as the pain. Here was a revolution in the making and here was I, the revolutionary!.
While reviewing my battle plans, it occurred to me that I only visited the seer once and so I needed to know the enemy’s terrain before the war was declared. Therefore,, I alone visited the seer with a view of doing a reconnaissance survey of his house, the routes leading to it, the windows of his room and the doors through which he could possibly escape, or by which I would escape if I was overpowered. My assignment was accomplished with ease and without raising any suspicion, but when I made to go, I saw the shadow of a woman who looked familiar as she dashed into the house. Who was this woman? I was curious to know, especially if she was going to consult the seer. I hid myself behind the building and when I heard some foot steps from within, I dashed to the nearby shrubs from where I kept Virgil on the door at the back of the house. In no time, the seer came out, looked left and right and seeing no one, shut the door. What is happening and what type of consultation would require the shutting of the door? I went and knocked the door, and the seer came out - this time - in his underwear. “What do you want?” he asked. And I answered “Please I am looking for the Seer”, to which he replied ‘Who sent you to him,” and I answered, “My mother.” “Tell your mother the Seer is not at home and will not be until tomorrow.” He shut the door and I went back to the shrubs to continue the Virgil. I was determined to verify the identity of the woman who looked so familiar. After some fifteen minutes, the back door flung open, and the Seer came out to peep, looking left then right and went back leaving the door open. Soon, a woman came out, and who was this woman? I shouted, A-m-i-n-e-t-u! She looked at the direction of my voice, and I said, ‘I saw you ooo!’ O-z-i-g-i-z-i-g-i! She beckoned on me to come and I went to her and she began to beg me not to tell anyone; unknown to her that I did not know the name of the game, and that I was there on a different mission. She informed me that she went to thank the Seer for the help he rendered to her of recent. “What type of help?” I asked, but she muttered some inanities I could not comprehend. Dear reader, it turned out that Aminetu was the Seer’s woman friend but the wife of our grand aunt’s son who was always in the farm! The seer knew that Aminetu, who lived with her mother in-law stole the money, but he choose to shift the blame on my sister because of his illicit relationship with Aminetu – and now, I caught them red-handed!
Now, the D-day is here on its zero hour. Dressed in battle gear, with my helmet on for disguise and my container bag strapped on my shoulder and the catapult made ready with a stone, who could stop me? And who would save the shameless Seer? Hiding behind the shrubs, I shot at the door and the sound attracted the attention of the occupants – including the Seer who came out to find out what it was. That gave me the chance to aim at his eyes and I let out a shot, which hit him on the eyebrow. I followed up with another, which pierced his forehead, and he dived inside for safety. A crowd was gathering and it was rapidly becoming unsafe to remain in a hostile environment. With my mission more or less accomplished, I absconded and made my way to my grand aunt’s house and informed her of my battle engagement and ---. Aminetu was shivering, thinking I was going to disclose her thanksgiving visit to the Seer but I did not. However, on getting home I made a full disclosure of all that I saw, between Aminetu and the seer and between the Seer’s household and my one-man riot squad. My sister decoded the type of visit Aminetu paid to the seer and what could possibly have transpired between the two of them in those brief minutes. Even at that, I could still not understand the gist, for I was a virgin. However, the seer saw hell for his mischief as the catapult did a ‘nice’ job on the seer’s eyes! Although I was declared a person non grata around the Seer’s street, I heard that his eyes were shut out for weeks, neither seeing his pods nor was he seeing by the pods. It served him right, or what do you think?